What Your Overwatch Attacker Says About You

editorials by Sean Halliday

Blizzard’s Overwatch has become one of the most loved new IPs in recent years. The Saturday morning cartoon nature of the game, tied in with wonderful gameplay, mechanics, and characters, is hard to resist. Everyone has their ‘main’, a first choice character that suits a certain play style. But what does your main say about you?

 

Genji

  • Watches Anime on their second monitor
  • Played Metal Gear Solid and decided Grey Fox was cool AF
  • Spams ‘ I Need Healing’, even if they’re dead
  • Owns 2 Fast 2 Furious on Limited Edtion 3d Blu-Ray
  • Mains Shen in League of Legends
  • Never goes on the payload

Soundtrack to their play –

They’ll never talk in chat or reply to questions. Genji players are much like the hero they play, silent and efficient. As soon as they saw the cyborg Ninja, they knew they would never play any other game again…until the next Naruto or One Piece game comes out anyway.

 

McCree

  • Loves Bon Jovi
  • Rewatches Plays of the Game back when McRee was OP.
  • Refuses to believe Kid Rock is anything but amazing
  • Never quite got over Firefly being canceled
  • Never goes on the payload

Soundtrack to their play –

After nerf –

McCree players love the sense of power at their fingertips. While they may never push the payload, their overreliance on stunning enemies nad missing still targets is a valued asset. Smoking is bad for you, but looks bad ass, making McRee the perfect choice for the sensible types longing to be cool.

 

Pharah

  • Owns at least 4 Gundam Wing model kits
  • Has a hover board on their Amazon wishlist
  • Sympathies with wasps and other small flying bugs that annoy people
  • Still shit posts Konami about the Zone of Enders HD collection
  • Never goes on the payload

Soundtrack to their play –

And then the ultimate hits

Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee…at least that’s the idea. The enemy Pharah will rain death upon your team, all while your Pharah floats around aimlessly like a kite. Can often be found doing nothing until their ultimate pops, causing them to become gods among men.

 

Reaper

  • Has been to at least two Halloween parties dressed as The Crow
  • Tweets Black Viel Brides lyrics with no sense of irony
  • Wears black all year around
  • Owns at least two pairs of Doc Martins and a long leather coat
  • Smokes and drinks coffee non-stop
  • Never goes on the payload

OR

  • Owns over 50 Tapout T-shirts
  • Has a tribal tattoo
  • Wears a black shirt with fire on
  • Wears their cap backward
  • Never goes on the payload

Soundtrack to their play –

Or

They probably already hate you before the game even starts. Reaper players come in two forms, wonderfully dark or hilariously aggressive Dude Bros. Dark players will brood in silence, only appearing to drop their ultimate before going back to brood some more. Aggressive Dude Bro Reapers inform everyone of how good they are at the game. They can often be found nowhere near the objective, chasing down kills while chugging down their 14th can of Rockstar, screaming about how swole they are.

 

Solider 76

  • Has a Black Ops 3 poster above their screen
  • Owns at every Michael Bay film released in the last 5 years
  • Can often be found tweeting FaZe clan
  • Tactics? What tactics?
  • Probably Dabs in 2017
  • Never goes on the payload

Soundtrack to their play –

Stuck waiting for the next Call of Duty game, Solider 76 players have been forced to buy Overwatch by their friends. They hate how every other character plays, preferring to sprint around and shoot at anything that moves. Often found dazed and confused in the corner, wondering how the hell they call in their attack helicopter.

 

Tracer

  • Has never finished a single player campaign, TV series, book or film in their entire life.
  • Had a deviant art page back in 2009 which had at least 7 Final Fantasy 13 drawings uploaded
  • Talks too fast and too much
  • Probably twitching at their keyboard
  • Never goes on the payload

Soundtrack to their play –

Or (if in a loving mood)

Can’t sit still? Have trouble focusing on one task at a time? You probably already have 40 hours plowed into Tracer. When she’s not triggering people with her arse or annoying Reinhardt, Tracer can be seen pretty much everywhere. She’ll pop around for seconds before vanishing, much like the Xbox One’s exclusive line up of games. Fast, small and irritating, Tracer players are the annoying little brother/sister you never had or wanted.

 

Sombra

  • Owns the 90’s classic Hackers on VHS, Betamax, laser disc, DVD, HD DVD, Blu-Ray as well as the Turkish bootleg version
  • Guessed someone’s Neopets account details in 2001, still thinks that’s hacking
  • Pointed out how unrealistic the hacking scene is in Jurassic Park
  • Subscribers to Info Wars on Youtube
  • Never goes on the payload

Soundtrack to their play –

Sombra players are a rare sight. When they do appear, you can be damn sure they’ll only be around for a few seconds. Disappearing into thin air, silently approaching their target….and then dying from a stray Pharah rocket. These players are dedicated to their craft, it’s just a shame no one else cares about it.

About the Author

Sean Halliday

Bargain bin version of Henry Rollins. Ex-Byker Grove cast member, former member of Ant & Dec

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